This blog post has been a long time coming. I’ve been bouncing the words around in my head for several weeks now, grappling with how to get my thoughts into readable form.

You may have noticed that I haven’t been around the blog for a while. In fact, I’ve been absent from Country Wife Chronicles for almost a month now.

And while I’ll spare you all the details of exactly how I got here, I will share with you that this was not my original intention for September’s blog posts on CWC. Let me give you a glimpse into my life lately…

If you’ve read through any of the blog posts about my struggle with endometriosis, and consequently, infertility; then you pretty much know where I am in this trying to conceive (TTC) journey. If, however, you are new here, then you may need some catching up:

• Just a Girl with Killer Cramps
• Trying for Baby…with Endometriosis
• My Endo Action Plan {Part 1}, {Part 2}, {Part 3}, and {Part 4}
• Marriage & Infertility
• Ugly, Beautiful Infertility

These posts pretty much sum up Wildland Man and I’s journey up to now.

It was just a little over one year ago that I learned I have stage IV endometriosis. Though I suspected that might be the case for many years, there is a shift that takes place once you have that diagnosis, once you know exactly what you are up against.

Life over the past year has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride. Because discovering I had endometriosis, also meant learning how difficult it will be for us to start a family. My timeline is not matching up with God’s right now, and it’s been a bit of a struggle to come to terms with that reality.

When I began developing Country Wife Chronicles back in early 2016, I simply could not have anticipated the direction my life would go or the way it would influence my writing here on the blog.

What started as a blog chronicling the journey of a wildland fire wife savoring the stillness of a simple country life has morphed over time into an infertility journey of finding hope in the hardship.

Trying to Become a Mama with All My Might

I remember telling Wildland Man that the only gift I wanted for my 30th birthday was to be pregnant. Now, here I am, all of 35, still waiting for that gift.

This past year has included two surgeries, working with a reproductive endocrinologist, and a whole lot of soul searching. I’m still not sold on where we go from here. The specialist that performed my second surgery told us that we could keep trying to conceive naturally, but that we would probably need to pursue IVF due to scar tissue damage that endometriosis has left behind over the years. While IVF is something I guess we are considering, I really just don’t want to go that route if we don’t have to.

So, for now, we’ve committed to trying for awhile longer and really putting all of our efforts into improving our health, nutrition, and ditching the toxins while relying on God to bring us the desire of our hearts. I really believe that God plans for Wildland Man and I to become parents. I just don’t know how that looks yet.

A Priority Shift

To be utterly honest, Wildland Man and I’ve been on a bit of a break in our baby-making journey as of late. Thank you wildfire season. Rather than being discouraged by Wildland Man’s absence during this time of the year, we’ve chosen to just take a break from all the cycle-charting, temperature-taking, and ovulation prediction kits. It’s actually been quite a refreshing experience.

While Wildland Man was away on fires this past summer, I discovered a blogger that was able to naturally conceive her very own miracle after being told that even IVF may not work for her and her husband. Anna, over at To Make a Mommy, blogs about her journey to get happy, healthy, and pregnant—naturally.

Essentially, Anna shares a list–a long list–of all the changes she has implemented in shifting to a natural, nontoxic lifestyle that ultimately led to her carrying and delivering her two children, naturally, after her doctors had given up all hope. She and her husband took an “all-in” approach to their fertility and found success with natural conception.

I feel like Wildland Man and I are at a crossroads. We are either going to be able to have a child naturally or we won’t, and I want to say that I gave it everything I could to go the natural route before we pursue other options in this parenthood journey. So, in August, we both committed to our own “all-in” approach in this natural conception game. Which means we’ve been undertaking some MAJOR changes in our home.

You may remember my Endo Action Plan that I put into place after discovering that I had endometriosis. That Action Plan is still very much in effect; now we are taking it a step further with some additional strategies for improving fertility. Specifically, we are improving our health by taking a closer look at our nutrition and toxin exposure.

And, can I just say, change is hard?

I had no intention of letting Country Wife Chronicles take a back seat while we implemented these changes in our lifestyle. In fact, I was pretty proud of myself for keeping up with the blog throughout the month of August with our second annual Wife on Fire Challenge.

You see, I’ve been known to get a bit one-track minded, and when I go all-in on something, I really, really go all-in. Probably to a fault, if I’m being honest.

I became consumed with researching and replacing all things plastic in our home. I learned more about how we could tweak our diet and add in some additional whole foods to improve our chances of naturally conceiving. I explored DIY fertility massage, acupuncture, and the use of essential oils and their impacts on fertility.

Let’s just say it’s been a lot.

In completely overhauling our lifestyle these past 8 weeks, I’ve been doing ok…I think. I have found myself face to face with the monster that is anxiety at times, and I sort of feel like that anxiousness has been an undercurrent throughout this season of my life.

All the while, I’m doing my best to wait patiently on the Lord’s timing. But, I have to say; waiting on the Lord is no easy task. When His timing isn’t matching up with mine, my faith is tested and tried. I know it is a part of the refining process, but that doesn’t make it any easier to process.

Now I’m committed to do everything in my power to provide the very best environment for my body to conceive a baby naturally, as God intricately designed it to. But I also know that this baby-making thing, it’s not in my hands…it’s in His. I am being intentional about allowing room for God to work in my life while I’m making all these changes.

Intentional Fertility

My naive self thought I could just “do it all.” I mean this didn’t feel like an outwardly stressful time in my life, not like I had felt before. I was just trying to be more intentional about my health…more intentional about my fertility.

…and more intentional about my faith.

…and more intentional about my marriage.

…and more intentional about alleviating stress.

…and more intentional about my sleep.

…and more intentional about my diet and supplements.

…and more intentional about gentle, healing exercise.

…and more intentional about seeking out holistic healthcare.

 …and more intentional about settling into a minimalistic way of life.

Hmm…I guess now I can see that I was a tad crazy to think I could add all these new intentional efforts without having to shift my priorities around a bit.

It’s Time for a Season of Rest

Man, I’m feeling exhausted just typing out that list of efforts I’m working on these days. That’s how I know it’s time; it’s time for a season of rest.

A time to declutter my schedule and my home. A time to nest and enjoy. A time for hobbies, reading, and quality time with Wildland Man. A time for walking, playing, gardening, and cooking. A time to pursue the activities that make me happy, that truly nourish my soul.

A time away from the computer screen.

I’m committing the rest of this year to natural conception. To self-love. To being still.

It’s important for me to practice what I preach. Country Wife Chronicles is nothing, if not a blog about learning to be still. So, it is in this time, this season; that I’ve decided to take a sabbatical from blogging.

Where we go from here, I don’t really know. What I do know, is that taking this season of rest is for a purpose. God isn’t about wasting seasons. I know I can be used by Him in this time, this season is just a chapter in His story for me.

This doesn’t mean that CWC will be disappearing anytime soon. I’m just taking a break from putting new content up for awhile. Nothing will be changing on the blog’s website; all the same content will remain available. I’m just not going to adhere to the weekly schedule that I set for myself back when I launched Country Wife Chronicles. 

In taking this step back from CWC, in this slowing down, I hope to find restoration and renewal. I am truly looking at this sabbatical as a time for growth and change.

I know I need to take some things off my plate as I’m adding more onto it and to just be incredibly real with you…Country Wife Chronicles is a lower priority than trying to create a family right now.

I would so appreciate your prayers regarding this decision for CWC, and for direction and guidance in our new intentional fertility journey. It is just not like me to not have a hard and fast plan in place, but I know, deep down, that this is the right move for the season of life I am currently in.

I aspire to come back to CWC refreshed and ready to share the journey with you. When I’m ready, when it feels right, I’ll step back into CWC. In the meantime, I will do my best to keep you clued in on the progress with periodic blog posts, social media postings, or the occasional email.

Thank you for your continued support and readership in this season of rest.

Be Still & Know…