Happy New Year! Oh, just a few days late…

So, let’s dive in to today’s topic, shall we? My New Year’s Resolution FAIL.

Yup, you read that right; I somehow managed to fail at my New Year’s resolution just a few days into the New Year. I couldn’t even make it into February like the rest of the world…

And for me, this fail is kinda monumental.

You see, as you should already know by now, I am a planner. Which means I love goals.

And I’m all about intention, which means when I set out to do something, I complete the task.

Oh, and I’m a perfectionist, which means I hate the feeling of failure.

I looked it up, and Google defines resolution as “a firm decision to do or not do something.” So, I guess that means I could revise my resolution to say that I was NOT going to do what I said I was going to do, and then I’d be a success. Or is that cheating?

Though I find real truth in the above quote, I have to admit, I haven’t had a health or fitness resolution for many years now. Lately I’ve chosen mindsets or attitudes or faith goals to work on in the next year.

And this year was much of the same…

Simplicity & Balance

Before I get into the details of my said FAILED New Year’s resolution, let me pull back the curtain a bit for you.

After Thanksgiving I decided I wanted to head into the Christmas season with intention. And being that I’m the self-proclaimed queen of all things simple, I decided that my intention would be to simplify. To celebrate a simple Christmas and enjoy the simple joys of the season.

This simple Christmas intention, as you may have noticed, led to the four-part series that was last published here on CWC: “A Simple Christmas.”

But here’s the inside scoop on blogging…

Most bloggers, if they are well organized and blogging as a career; tend to write content weeks, if not months, ahead of their publishing dates. I’ve even found myself a few months ahead a time or two. In fact, I wrote the “A Simple Christmas” posts in November, not December. I had them uploaded and scheduled and automatically publishing all throughout Advent.

I love getting ahead on publishing content because it allows me more time to catch up in other areas of blogging that usually take a back seat during my work hours. Of course, it also frees up some time for me to get back to things I’ve neglected in my personal life as well, such as cleaning the house or projects I’ve put on hold while working ahead on the blog.

Problem is, before I know it, I’m no longer ahead with my blog posts. This is the balance of blogging and real life that I’m in a constant state of reassessing.

Anyway, back to CWC’s “A Simple Christmas” series…that I wrote in November. I was inspired in November. I was determined, and perhaps a bit unrealistic. Because if I were to let you in on another little secret…my December was anything but simple.

Not because I had too many events to attend. Not because I hosted too many people or planned too extravagant of a meal. Somewhere in the midst of the grand intention of a simple Christmas, I just failed.

My days filled up with trivial tasks. My time was not well managed. I struggled to cope with some emotional concerns I’m dealing with. I procrastinated. I fell behind on sleep. I was just spent, exhausted, burnt out.

I ruined my very favorite time of the year. Quietly, and in solitude and isolation. I painted a pretty picture on the outside, but inside, I was anxious and unsettled. All I wanted to find was stillness, yet it seemed so out of reach.

Fast forward to January and I was ready to hit the reset button. I was super bummed about letting Christmas overwhelm me. I was bound and determined to change things up and find a better balance in 2018.

Which brings me to my New Year’s Resolution: Achieve Balance.

In particular, I was, am, looking to find a better balance between being a doting housewife and a career blogger. It seems that over the past year I have had success in one area or the other, but rarely both. If I felt like I was staying on top of the home stuff and my personal life then my blog was falling behind. When I was getting ahead on my blogging tasks my house was staying messy, my efforts in my marriage were taking a back seat, and my meal plans were pretty pathetic.

In failing, could I actually succeed?

Here’s the kicker…in my Christmas overwhelm, those weeks of posts I had up and ready for December simply flew by. And then, there I was with no post ready for January 1^st.

The perfectionist in me did not want to fail by missing a weekly post here at CWC. I did not want to have that gap be visible on my blog.

I considered all the options:

1. 1) Stay up crazy late on January 1^st, giving up my time with Wildland Man on his day off, and throw together a random post for the blog.
2. 2) Work on drafting a post later that week, but still get it published before anyone might notice I missed one.
3. 3) Admit the failure and move on.

It was a definite internal struggle, but I kept coming back to the fact that when I set out to become a blogger I vowed to always stay true to myself, to keep things real and transparent. And what is more real life than missing a self-imposed deadline?

So, yeah, I missed last week’s post, for any of you that may have been wondering.

And, initially, I felt like I FAILED at my New Year’s resolution in looking to achieve balance in my life between my personal needs and the blog’s needs.

Because while I took the week to get some things caught up around the house and to watch Christmas movies I missed during the Christmas season, the blog suffered. It sat stagnant.

Was that balance? Probably not.

But I believe it all may have just worked out as it was supposed to. Because now I believe…

It was in my failing that I actually succeeded. In stepping back for a moment, I found my balance.

In seeking a better balance in 2018, I think I need to afford myself a little more grace. To understand that it will be a give and take; that is what a balancing act is after all, isn’t it?

So rather than driving myself crazy feeling like I failed you, my readers at CWC, please know that it was never about you. It was just me, the one-woman show behind Country Wife Chronicles, in real life, needing a bit of break.

I hope you can understand this and find acceptance for me in your heart. I certainly don’t want to take you for granted, I still can’t believe there are other eyes out there reading the words of my heart on these pages. Please don’t go away, just because I hit the pause button for a week.

So, I could say that I failed at achieving balance this year. Already. Oops.

Or I can say that I am figuring this balance thing out. And just as Isaiah reminds us, even the young grow weary, but our hope…it’s in the Lord. He will renew my strength. And I put my hope in Him to help me find the balance I’m seeking this year.

Thanks for staying along for this crazy ride I’m on. Y’all are really like my very own therapy session. And for that I am grateful. And maybe a bit crazy. But I thank you for helping me to work through my issues none-the-less.

Here’s to balance in the New Year…and maybe a simpler Christmas next year.

I’d love to hear some feedback from you, my precious readers. I got a bit personal today, so any encouragement for myself or others walking this road with me would be so appreciated.

Not sure where to start? Here are some thoughts to get you going. Just pick one to elaborate on and type your comment at the bottom of the page.

• What is your New Year’s Resolution and why did you choose it?

• Have you ever failed at something to discover you really succeeded in it?

• Can you offer encouragement to those of us that are struggling to find balance in our life?

Be Still & Know…